hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
