fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
