Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she peed on how many people?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
