she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
