Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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