Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
