i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
