I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
