Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
