At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
