32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
