I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
