Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
