dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
