Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
