I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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