I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
