WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
