He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
