Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
