Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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