So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
