The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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