I can text with my tongue
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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