put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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