I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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