yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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