I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
