There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
