I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Randomize
