Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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