my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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