I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
PANTIES FOUND
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