Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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