It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have post one night stand depression
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