I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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