Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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