I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
