Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
