i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
