Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
