his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
