Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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