Duck Duck Cougar?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
