i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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