I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
