3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
