i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
