apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
