I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
