i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
