Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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