Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
