it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
