I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
