Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
