Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize