Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
